The Pokémon Life

Good afternoon all! This is me typing to you from the warmth of my bed because even though I can see that the sun out there is shining, my house has NOT gotten the memo to stop being cold yet. Probably I should go for a walk…

I’ve been wanting to do a little follow-up on the post I shared last week about why we as women (and some men, of course, but seemingly to a quieter degree) find rape jokes to be problematic.

Now I mentioned in my post that I’ve been playing a bit of Pokémon Go lately and that I came across some guys making rape jokes in one of the groups that I had been chatting in. I was very taken aback, of course, but then I did remind myself that sexism within gaming communities is known to be rife. Why should I be so surprised by a cliché that is so obviously a cliché for a reason?  It’s just that… Well… Pokémon (Or Pokey Mans as my mother likes to call them) are these cute little animated creatures, man. Like for reals. It’s so tame. You catch them with little balls and the cute ones make you go aaaahhhhh cute and there’s nothing particularly “bro-ish” about any of it. A PoGo chatroom feels like it should be the last place one would expect to find rape jokes. Right?

Yes. Right… (more…)

Dear Boys: About Those Rape Jokes

I didn’t expect my first post since returning from Thailand to be about rape jokes, but something happened last night and it has been bugging me all day so here we are.

To cut a long story short, while I was away on my trip I started playing Pokémon Go again. And since I was kind of enjoying it I started playing again here. I got the kids involved as well and to be honest riding around spinning stops and hunting magicarp has felt like quality time. This lead to me being invited to a bunch of Whatsapp groups for players in Port Elizabeth. I sort of interacted a bit on the first day but honestly it was all a little Serious Gamer for me (which seems hilarious: we’re catching little cartoon creatures, how seriously should we be taking this?) and a whole lot of jargon I didn’t understand was being used so I faded quickly. But I still thought I might be keen to play with other people sometime, and I thought Noah especially might enjoy something like that, so I stayed in the groups.

Then last night I opened up one of the chats and was scrolling through it when I came upon this:  (more…)

Build Me Up, Body20

Not so long ago someone gave me a gift which I can now quite confidently claim to be one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I sound hyperbolic, surely, but please don’t doubt my sincerity. I’ve been speaking about my health a lot more than I am usually comfortable with lately. Catharsis is a strange thing, perhaps. But something I have not yet mentioned is that for the last 6 weeks or so I’ve been doing something called Body20. This came to be in the most random way you can imagine.

Bare with me, this might get long-winded.

My husband’s boss and his new wife own the Body20 business in Walmer. When they got married Ty’s boss asked Ty if he would mind taking some pics for them at their wedding. I was then asked to come too. I was so nervous! I didn’t know these people and I was terrified I was going to mess up their wedding pics! I still don’t know what I’m doing when I have a camera in my hands. But I met Rachelle, and she was so sweet, and she handed me a calming glass of champagne, and soon I was quite content with these lovely strangers. (more…)

Mind My Children’s Manners

I went to a birthday party for twin littlies over the weekend and Noah came with me. Of course, he’s nine so he was a little old to be at a party for one year olds, but he loved it nonetheless. He generally plays well with others, despite his “unsocialised” homeschool upbringing. It wasn’t long before he was entertaining himself and didn’t need me anymore. That’s the nice thing about being a parent to a tween. Is he a tween yet? Almost.

While I sat on a couch and watched him play through the window, a lady with two adorable 7 month old twins congratulated me on Noah’s manners. Now, honestly, I don’t know if I’m responsible for his manners. I like to think so. But sometimes I think he just came out that way and I got super lucky. The compliment came at a really good time though, because I had a distinct lack of manners on my mind. And worrying about the level of manners in my kids was a very current concern.  (more…)

My Husband is Trying to Kill Me

Ok not really, of course. But he might be trying to chip away at my sanity, a little. Or a lot. Is this what normal husbands do?

I’m sitting here dreading the consumption of my next shake. As you may know I have taken to using meal replacements as a way to ensure that I actually eat during the day, because my habit of skipping both breakfast and lunch for a very long period of time has sent me to health jail. Ok maybe not health jail…. What would health jail even be?  (more…)

Kefir Makes You Poop

So I’m at that age where conversations about bowel movements have become a regular occurrence. Yes. I said “regular”….*snort*giggle*fart*oops* (as an aside… taking a selfie to go along with this post was really awkward…. like how even do you make sure you’re not accidentally pulling a poo face to go with your poo post…?)

When your family is in the wellness industry, poop talk is just par for the course really. It’s one of the biggest complaints I have heard in my years of being around people who are looking to learn about Herbalife. I don’t go to the loo enough. Ag shame, then you can’t help but feel sorry for the person because let’s be honest a good poo at the right moment can feel life changing. (more…)

What Went Wrong: I think I figured it out

I think probably my favourite thing about television, or fiction in general really, is that for the most part there is a very high emphasis on closure and they always manage to figure out what went wrong. Someone sets out to pursue a dream, they get there eventually. Someone is murdered, they figure out who did it. Someone is mysteriously ill, the doctors figure out why.

Real life doesn’t really work that way too often.

At the height of my failing health last year I couldn’t bring myself to see a doctor. I should have. But if you understand a smidge about depression and anxiety you can understand that sometimes the executive functioning needed to do such a thing is just not there. You’ll laugh, but when I’m feeling better I’ll be able to go and see the doctor… I’m not even kidding. (more…)

How the health stuff is going…

So I’ve been on a low-key health journey over the last 6 months or so. This is mostly thanks to my mother and husband who have pretty much spoonfed me through the entire thing. From my folks sponsoring me with Herbalife products to my husband ensuring that I take all the supplements that I need daily… Where would I be without them? Yikes…

I don’t know if I particularly mentioned it but I was feeling suicidal last year. Yes, that’s a fucking huge thing to say, and believe me I don’t say it lightly. The thing is, I got to a point where my body was so flat and my head was constantly whirring and I actually just couldn’t anymore. A combination of personal stuff and plain health stuff stirred up a cocktail of some scary ideations. This is why health is so important. Because it was my body driving my mind crazy. (more…)

10 Thoughts I’ve Had Since Forking Up My Hair

So I still haven’t made any moves towards fixing my ginger mop of hair. Ma says it looks ok. Husband says it looks ok. And I’m just sitting here going surely you have figured out by now that when things don’t go to plan I completely wig out… (“wig” out: hahahahahahahahaha!)

This wasn’t the plan…so it definitely it’s not going to be the accepted result.

I was thinking maybe I should deep condition it so long just to feel like I’m actually doing something.

Anyway…

I still don’t really know what to do. And my brain is not helping AT ALL which is frustrating because usually the logical solution in these types of situations is stumbled upon with a bit of thinking. But for now brain is like no dude I’m too busy laughing at you I have no real solutions…

My brain is an asshole.

So far this is what it has come up with:  (more…)

How to Fork Up Your Hair in 75 Easy Steps

So I’ve been kind of loving my hair lately. You see, I’ve been dyeing it a little for the last couple of years. You know, those greys sneak up on you in your twenties (especially if you have super dark hair like mine) and you kind of freak out because omigosh I’m too young to be old and then out comes the Loreal. Because you’re worth it. Or something.

Of course, much to the upturned noses of my hairdresser friends, I’ve been using box dye. Mostly because I can’t afford to maintain monthly visits to the salon for upkeep, but also partly because I have yet to actually acquire anyone in this town who I consider to be “my” hairdresser…

Anyway, a year ago I stopped dying my hair because being old is a gift and fuck it I hate dying my hair. I also LOVE long grey hair. It’s fucking beautiful, man. Have you ever seen a woman with long naturally grey hair? One of my earliest memories is of my great-grandmother, Harriet Larter, and how she had this mane of long silver hair that she wore up in a bun. When she let it out though, it went all the way down to her bum. And she would sit in the sun and let it dry after washing it. God it was gorgeous. My tiny self approved. My grownup self approves too.

And so I started growing out my greys… Because you can’t have glorious grey hair if you keep covering it up with henna (horror of horrors I switched from box dye to henna somewhere along the line because henna doesn’t chew holes in my skull – hairdressers disapprove of this even more).

Guys: it was going well. I imagine most folks would look at me through the goggles of societal expectation and go “what on earth is she doing she’s let herself go – she’s now fat AND grey” but I was loving my grey streaks.

Just one problem though. The bottom half of my main didn’t have grey streaks. It had blonde streaks. These streaks used to be grey, but after years of faded hair dye, they were a kind of golden yellow. Quite like the colour of urine.

So I had a brilliant plan!  (more…)