Should I maybe stop telling this story now? I’m afraid you might get bored. Then again I think that perhaps I should tell it anyway because what if this sort of thing is a little bit normal, even if I don’t feel all that normal. So what if it’s normal, or at least not uncommon, and someone else is sitting out there thinking I don’t know how to feel better and maybe just maybe my potentially humiliating revelation might make them think “oh I didn’t know I could try that”. And also, a friend suggested to me the other day that I might consider de-worming the whole family as a possible solution to my malaise, and it was most certainly something I hadn’t even remotely considered so sometimes opening up the conversation leads to all sorts of viewpoints that you would never reach on your own.
Anyway if you get bored you don’t have to keep reading.
My biggest problem was breakfast. I already kind of knew this, but I HATE eating breakfast (unless I’m in a hotel and breakfast is an event and I’ve already been up for two hours not eating breakfast) and there is this personal trainer healthy lady in town who advocates skipping breakfast and I’d read somewhere that fasting from suppertime until lunch time is a thing that is acceptable to do and I thought ok breakfast works for others but not for me so I’m just not going to do it. The really strong healthy lady says you should do it and so do these random websites I found through Google so like really my breakfast skipping is just tailored to my breakfast-hating personality. It’s ok to be me. Because maybe everyone is different, right?
Anyway my days typically started looking like this: wake up and forget you are a human who needs to consume things in order to exist. Around 10pm have a cup of coffee. Forget again that you are human until 3pm. Marvel that you forgot to eat all day and who does that anyway but then decide you might as well wait until supper time because it is far too late in the afternoon to be thinking about lunch. Instead of eating I would take a nap. Some days I would remember to have a Herbalife shake at lunch time, all the while telling myself I’ve done something good for my body (true) but not particularly checking myself on the inconsistency.
Then supper would come and I’d eat more than my six foot something 100-ish kg husband.
I had to start eating breakfast again.
So my husband promised to make me breakfast in the mornings before leaving for work. But I just couldn’t do it at first. I KNOW that I know that I know that I know that the absolute best thing for me to consume in the mornings is my Herbalife shake. I know this. It’s why I insist on taking them with me when we travel because they take the guess work out of navigating the complications of energy sustaining consumption.
But the sweetness of the shakes make me gag so much. And I just couldn’t do it. But I knew it was important for me to have breakfast. And I knew that food wasn’t going to do it for me. Not now with this very upset body of mine.
So what I started doing was drinking amasi in the morning. Not first thing, mind you. I did bide my time at first. I’d start with water. Then coffee. Then amasi. Now I know many people will find that gross. But it was a “food” source that I could drink and it wasn’t sweet. It was the perfect solution. I had my shake for lunch (with all that good nutrition) which became easier to do once I made myself a “eat when you feed the kids” rule.
And from there I did see improvements. I kept this up for a couple of weeks. Still a bit weak. Still struggling with needing more sleep than a day could provide. But it was a little better.
Once the habit kicked in I could make the change from amasi in the morning to shake in the morning. And I admit: it was still hard. One sip of shake rose straight back up my throat like a pinball. For about a week I was pretty much drinking every sip of shake twice. But I knew it was good for me and I had to get my body to cooperate.
Now it mostly cooperates. Sometimes I still struggle but the struggle is a little easier to cope with. I wake up easily in the mornings now. If I don’t want to get up in the mornings it is out of pure laziness and not physical incapability — the difference between those two things feels nothing short of miraculous at this point.
I will admit that the shake shift made the biggest difference. Or at least it feels that way. I imagine the positive impact of a consistent dosage of supplements over a long period of time might have coincided with the change from amasi to shake in the mornings. But I feel almost myself now. And if it hadn’t been for my mom and my husband consistently checking in I might not be feeling quite so positive right now.