Remember back in March when we thought we had to get through three weeks of lockdown and then life would be cool again? Yeah that fantasy was lovely for about 3 minutes and then…
Well? It’s July already!
And seriously I need to let go of the “after the pandemic is over” idea. Because guys, this nonsense is eating our lives! Or mine at least.
So I need to force the reset myself a little. I’ve got to accept and move on from the struggles with my business. I’ve got to accept and move forward with making a life within this weirdness. And it has GOT to be a little (lottle!) more balanced than it is right now.
I struggle with life. Balance is the most illusive thing for me. Honestly without my husband I would mostly forget to eat and drink water. Nevermind anything else. Routine? I thrive on it. But i’m so infuriating incapable of cultivating it.
But even the tiniest bit of balance does make a difference. Lately I’ve been forcing a shut off in the evenings and on weekends when it comes to work, and the success of that has actually kind of helped. By creating “boundaries” there (to the best of my ability) I can acknowledge that a little bit of balance might be possible.
Because I do want that balance.
I want to create more. Cook, crochet, write, craft, colour. These things bring me peace and yet I neglect them so much.
I want to read more. I had such a beautiful reading habit going at the beginning of the year and then corona hit and with it came the depression that I’m sure many of us are familiar with, and I fell out of the habit. This thing that I love I deny myself. Consistently. I need to stop that.
I also want to fix my house! I mean really! There are so many small things that I can do now and then and I must. Everything is a mess. Everything is just waiting to be attended. Attending those things would actually put me in a much better headspace.
It can be hard though. My body doesn’t always cooperate. I tend to push myself to breaking point by using adrenalin, which is productive, but ultimately destructive. Because the balance is so non-existent.
Perhaps I should try some balance today…