Not so long ago someone gave me a gift which I can now quite confidently claim to be one of the greatest gifts I have ever received. I sound hyperbolic, surely, but please don’t doubt my sincerity. I’ve been speaking about my health a lot more than I am usually comfortable with lately. Catharsis is a strange thing, perhaps. But something I have not yet mentioned is that for the last 6 weeks or so I’ve been doing something called Body20. This came to be in the most random way you can imagine.
Bare with me, this might get long-winded.
My husband’s boss and his new wife own the Body20 business in Walmer. When they got married Ty’s boss asked Ty if he would mind taking some pics for them at their wedding. I was then asked to come too. I was so nervous! I didn’t know these people and I was terrified I was going to mess up their wedding pics! I still don’t know what I’m doing when I have a camera in my hands. But I met Rachelle, and she was so sweet, and she handed me a calming glass of champagne, and soon I was quite content with these lovely strangers.
As a “thank you” Ryan & Rachelle offered my husband and I some Body20 sessions. And I was keen, but you need to understand that when you’re in the middle of a deep depressive state it’s very hard to pull yourself out of that state enough to do things that you kind of know will help you get out of that state. If that makes sense…
Every now and then I would think “we should take Ryan & Rachelle up on that offer”…but even as I thought that I knew I wasn’t in the right headspace for it. I knew I had to do something but I just couldn’t.
When my health was at it’s worst around October-ish last year, I was at a point where I could basically manage to do one or two things a day before crashing in on myself. Those things had to be chosen wisely. And obviously the kids had to come first. I remember one day I went next door to my mom’s place to use her Powerplate. I thought if I can just put in ten minutes every few days I will start to get my energy back.
Well, ten minutes later, at about 9 in the morning, I finished a Powerplate session that consisted purely of about 5 minutes of warm-up and 5 minutes of massage, and I crashed. I was so tired after those ten minutes that I just burst into tears. I think that’s probably when my mom started to understand what was happening to me. And when I started being more honest about how much I was really struggling. People like to write you off as lazy when you’re struggling, but I wasn’t lazy I was broken.
Oh you just need to exercise. Oh you just need fresh air.
Yes. But it’s more than that.
From there I started playing with supplements. Calcium, magnesium, potassium, B-vits, taurine, iron, omegas. I started forcing breakfast on myself which was hard because I had to keep re-swallowing it down every time my stomach lurched at being fed so early in the morning. And lunch. I had to try to remember the lunch.
Slowly it got better. I didn’t need to sleep 12-14 hours a day anymore. Yes, that was happening too.
But I was still stupidly weak.
I tried things like yoga for chronic fatigue sufferers, and that was ok. Trying to build myself slowly. Feeling scared and frustrated with the limitations of my body. Even a small session on the Powerplate was causing me pain. I was always in pain.
And then we remembered the Body20 offer. Ty went to Rachelle and asked her if the offer for us to do Body20 was still on the table, and if so could she give me all the sessions as I needed them more than he did. She said yes. And I nervously went around there one Saturday, feeling terrified.
I’m not going to give you a play-by-play right now. You can check out Body20 details here if you’re curious, but I’ll write up another little post on what to expect from a training session some other time.
For now I just want to say: thank God.
This is without a doubt one of the best things that could have happened to me. I’d gotten my “nutrition” kind of sorted. My eating habits have been better. But the exercise was a total impending failure in my mind. It was this thing I just couldn’t do because of how badly trying to exercise was affecting me and it seemed so pointless to try and strengthen this weak and permanently aching body of mine. To be honest the only thing that pushed me to try was the fact that we’re going to Thailand soon and I was really afraid that I was going to let my husband down by not being able to cope with the physical toll that flights and touring would take on my body. I cannot begin to tell you how much it bothers me that he is able to do so much (walk around all day and then be social in the evenings) while I tend to need break after break after break.
Thank God I decided to try it. Because I cannot believe how much stronger I am right now. I can’t believe how much more energy I have. I feel capable of tackling our trip without having to fear the ramifications of a massive burn-out. And I managed to achieve all of this slowly-slowly with trainers who were so sensitive to my weakness, pushing me only in the exact right way.
Thank you, Rachelle. I couldn’t possibly explain to you how much you have helped me. I can’t explain how incredible it feels to feel capable and stronger. Thank you.
From the absolute bottom of my heart: thank you.