My shop has been open for a month. And y’all? It’s been a ride to say the least. This weekend I actually started to worry that I was about to shut down a little, which was scary because I don’t have time for burnout right now. But luckily I changed the brand of magnesium I was taking (I have no idea why the Clicks one works better) and I’ve been happily sipping on banana cream Herbalife shakes (the magnesium and potassium content in there is superior!) and I’m feeling better today. Much better. In fact I’m happy so yay!

But…oh yes! I have a bookshop and it’s been a bit of a nutsy month. Pretty much everything else in my life has taken a bit of a backseat, I’ll admit. Blogging especially! Balance has not been easy (or forthcoming!) but I’ll figure it out, right? No probably not. I’ll make peace with it though. Maybe.

For now I just wanted to acknowledge the magical support I’ve been getting. I am so grateful. And I cannot say thank you enough!

PS: I sort of feel like my feature pic doesn’t quite match the mood of this post. But I’m way too lazy to take another selfie right now so I’m going with it. It’s the only one in my phone that has books in it. Just imagine I’m actually super happy, but I’m also super tired and I’m busy trying to stay positive about what seems to be a carpel tunnel issue that has reared its head thanks to all the extra social media-ing I’ve been doing. So the pic kind of fits, right?

I’m having a small giggle to myself right now. As I said yesterday, I started admitting that I’m in the middle of attempting to start my little bookshop business this week and the response has been so heartwarming. But yesterday I got a message from a stranger on the Facebook page that I created for a business that doesn’t not technically exist yet.

Where is your store located?

Uhm…? Enter the panic! It’s all very well and fine when you tell your friends you’re stepping out of the mom life and moving into the business world but it’s very different when strangers stumble upon your business and ASK QUESTIONS! Because oh my goodness. This woman doesn’t know me from Adam. She doesn’t know I’m a blocked writer homeschool mom of three. She doesn’t know I’m a disaster in harem pants with a headband addiction. She doesn’t know I own several hats with ears on them. She doesn’t know that I often wear my fuzzy teddybear pyjama hoodie during the day because it’s warmer than my other stuff. She doesn’t know that I legitimately consider my cats to be my friends. She doesn’t know that I regularly poke myself in the eye with my eyeliner and that stuff that you use under your eyes to make people stop asking you if you’re tired. She’s a stranger. So she doesn’t know!

All my friends at least know all that stuff. There’s a comfort in that.

And now I must….what? Impress her surely with my business savvy?

Nadine, you have no business savvy… You’re not even sure you spelled savvy correctly… Computer says it’s fine but it looks wrong, man.

Thankfully my penchant for radical honesty took over so I just told her honestly that my “store” doesn’t technically exist yet and that I’m busy cataloging and will hopefully soon be able to share some of my gems (and there are gems) on my Facebook Page.

And you know what she said? She said things like “you go girl” and “dream big” and “follow your instincts” and it all just reminded me that there is nothing more beautiful than kindness. Because probably she doesn’t care that I can’t remember when last I brushed my hair. Because guys, I don’t remember. Projects make me a little one track minded…

Wait… where was I?

Oh yes.

Thank you, Pam. I was afraid of making a fool of myself in front of you but what I got instead was a warm fuzzy feeling and a smile to carry me through the rest of today. You reminded me that even though “strangers on the internet” have this scary power to make you feel small, they also wield the power to make you feel big and kind of badass. I hope that I am like you when I am a stranger on other people’s internet.

You inspired me today. Thank you for being so beautiful.

Hello, it’s me again…

I kind of just wanted to say thank you. In the last little while as I have been burrowing my way through trying to figure this all out, so many of you have been kind and supportive and it is everything. My heart is so full that I don’t even feel embarrassed to say corny things like “my heart is so full”.

I cannot believe how many messages of encouragement and enthusiasm I have received. Thank you. I cannot believe how many offers of help with books I have received. Thank you. I cannot believe all the kindness. Such a beautiful reminder of how we should be in this world. Thank you.

I have spent my last pennies. I have no real plan. I might have to sell books out of the boot of my car.

But my heart is so full.

Thank you.

The last six weeks or so have a been a little chaotic. Sometimes, when you’re just sitting quietly minding your business, thought worms wriggle into your head out of nowhere and suddenly everything changes. Does that ever happen to you? (if this is weird please note I’m totally kidding it never happens to me)

The thing is, I’ve kind of always wanted to do this, and with a few impending changes in our lives, I sort of thought: well we might as well just add another “crazy thing” to the mix, right? Well, possibly I could be very very wrong, but for now I’m kind of just going with it. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself: why am I not doing those things that I want to do? And take steps to make the necessary changes.

So I’m opening a bookshop. A secondhand bookshop, of course, because these are my safe places. My glorious portals of potential. My source of joy in times of pretty much anything. And so I have determined that I should take the steps to become one of these places myself.

As of yet, I have no premises. I have no website (don’t really want one). I have no solid plan.

I do, however, have a dining room table full of stock. And a a dining room floor full of stock. And an entryway full of stock. And a personal library that I have finally made peace with disseminating. I have a start.

So even though I have nothing figured out yet, I am starting with what I have. And from there I will have to see what happens.

I won’t lie. I’m a little terrified. But also kind of excited.

You’ll have to excuse me for now though, I have piles and piles of books to sort through…