After considering the impact this lockdown would have on my business, I initially made peace with it and decided that my business model didn’t need to change too much. This was a relief. A plan. A belief that we can do this.
Sure, the last week of the month (now) is when probably 90% of my income comes in. This is when I contact everyone, ask them if they’re ready to receive the pile of books that they’ve been adding to over the month, and then settle payment and shipping. It works well.
Except now I can’t send any of the piles of books that are waiting to be claimed by the customers who reserved them. And so I cannot expect to be paid. I also can’t move out old piles and make room for new piles.
But I sort of thought, ok, so March is going to suck but I can still carry on showing and reserving books for people and then send them at the end of next month. I can work around the space thing. Book piles take up a LOT of space! But I can work with what I have.
That seems so reasonable.
And yet here I sit feeling very is there even a point about the whole thing. My energy levels are at quite a remarkable low at the moment. The lowest they have been since I sought professional help for what feels like insurmountable apathy six months ago. It’s bad again. Really bad. I got better for a while. Mostly better at least. This is a different kind of stress though, isn’t it? A real stress. This isn’t just a confused body that senses fear when there is nothing to be afraid of.
So I’m struggling to feel like there’s much of a point to working, although my work life brings me SO MUCH MORE than just an income. It gives me focus. It gets me out of the house a bit more than I might do without having to make trips to Pep to send parcels. It puts me in the path of like-minded strangers, allowing me to form relationships with amazing people who daily make my life a little better. It gives me yet another platform from which to banter! And I do so love to banter!!
What I do know, right now in this minute as I try to decide what I should do, is that work is most likely going to look a lot different in the coming while. Trying to keep it the same just doesn’t feel natural. Even though my working environment hasn’t actually changed… Everything has changed.
I don’t know. I’m struggling a little.
How are you doing?