Read More, Write More

I started writing again today which has already reminded me why I gave up for a  while. No, not because I have writer’s block. I seldom struggle with that.

I have writer’s aggression. And it is so bad.

Would it be overkill to make a sign for my door that says Leave Me The F*ck Alone?

That’s what I have wanted to scream no less than seven times this morning.

The door is closed. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone.

This very real and acidic aggression is why I have barely written in years. And yet, to read more and to write more are my only real resolutions for 2020. They are the two that count the most. More than house stuff and work stuff and whatever other stuff.

Read more, write more.

One makes me happier. The other makes me unhappier. Go figure.

I just have to figure out how to do the writing part without simultaneously putting myself in a position that causes me to fantasise about committing murder.

It’s funny. The reading more is going ok. I’ve taken to reading a bit in the mornings and sometimes in the afternoons and sometimes after my husband goes to bed. My attention span is terrible and I struggle to maintain focus but I’m trying to get back into the habit.

With writing though?

I get lost so easily. I am in no way my own distraction when it comes to writing. The only problem is the venom inspired by anyone or anything that does distract me.

The door is closed. Leave me alone.

Have you resolved to be resolute this New Year?

I know all the cool kids are sharing memes of Robert Downey Jr rolling his eyes about New Year’s Resolutions, but as far as conventionally celebrated holidays go, New Year’s is not only my favourite, it’s pretty much the only one I like. They should create a new Scrooge/Grinch character who hates Christmas AND Easter AND Valentine’s Day AND Halloween and they should name her Nadine. Besides that: I am not one of the cool kids so it’s all good.

I love the new year though. I suppose in the same way that I kind of like Mondays (although admittedly I like them less now that I home school). No, I’m not in to the parties and the drinking and the low-key experiments with drugs or the accidentally bumping into people having sex in public stuff. I kind of make it a point not to leave my house on New Year’s Eve these days (although funny enough even though we had a very low-key New Year’s at home again this/last year, we still managed to accidentally stumble upon some awkward hanky-panky in the middle of the crescent…well…my husband stumbled upon it while trying to figure out why all the dogs were barking…he told me though so I knew they were there and even though I couldn’t see them it still felt awkward…)

I do like the symbolism of it all though. The idea that the old can be put away as we make room for the new. Even though it will mostly fail. Even though, like every other year, the coming one will throw you the sorts of curveballs that even my writer’s mind could never have hoped to conjure. That’s ok. It’s still a hopeful feeling. (also it’s weird that I made a sports reference…though granted I’m not entirely sure which sport)

I don’t really know what my resolutions are this year, to be honest. I have a vague idea, I suppose. Like if I sat down and thought for a little while I could probably come up with a hundred things. Or I could just google a generic list I suppose. I usually have giant writing aspirations that spiral into failure around week two. The writing stuff tends to be a little too big though. You know? Fitting my style of work ethic as far as novel-writing is concerned into family life is a little bit like bashing one’s head against a rock, but without the added benefit of becoming blissfully concussed afterwards.  Maybe my resolution should be to disappear once a year to one of those month-long digital nomad retreats. That would be super confusing though: would I share those experiences here or on Passing the Open Windows? This is what I get for going niche…

Smaller resolutions though. Perhaps I should start there. With silly ones like painting my nails more often, purely because chipped nail polish makes me happy. Or learning how to actually put on mascara without it being a mess. Maybe I should get a tattoo or dye my hair purple. Definitely I’d like to buy a new lens for my camera, and continue to learn how to use it more effectively. And I need to save for travel. Do more yoga. And probably I should practice doing flat-lays because the one I made for this post is bloody terrible.

These are bandaids, at least, right? Small bites of distracting pleasure while I choose to neglect the thing that I should have locked myself away to focus on years ago.

Perhaps I need to learn how to turn the writing into small bites…

Because the thing is: If I die before I’ve finished writing them all down then they die with me. And that really fucking bothers me.

Choosing NaNo Over Novemberitis

So every year I have this huge issue with Novemberitis which I’ve mentioned at some point somewhere but since I haven’t actually properly set up this particular blog yet I actually don’t even know if it exists as a published post anymore….

My God I digressed in the very first sentence. Ok then….

I decided this year that instead of being crippled by Novemberitis (guys, it’s so real….) I’m going to throw myself into NaNoWriMo like a fiend. Of course I haven’t actually started yet. Instead of waking up early I woke up late and now it’s almost 10am but you know most writers aren’t even awake by now (lies) so it’s all good, right?

The thing is, this particular load of nonsense doesn’t actually count towards my wordcount so perhaps I should mosey away from here and just move on over there, right?

I’ve only ever completed NaNo once. And honestly that manuscript is the biggest mess that could exist. I wrote it all out of order and of course by now I’ve actually forgotten the order so…. fek…

This year I’m actually doing a sequel, which is something I kind of thought I’d never do because with the exception of Harry Potter (and weirdly, Karin Slaughter’s books) I’ve never been a massive fan of books that are part of a series. I need closure. When people keep writing more books to go with the other books I just get all floopy like why are you doing this to me. Do you understand how much Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them anxiety I have? No, you don’t. Although come to think of it…it’s nice anxiety… You guys when in the hell is the next movie even coming out because I can’t!

I may have digressed again…

Oh yes. I’m doing NaNo this year. I am Queen_Nayes on the forums because I didn’t realise that I could name myself without using underscores. I’d link you to my profile but honestly I can’t even find it. After many years of failing NaNo I still think my biggest failure is my inability to figure out how the hell the site even works.

You are welcome to drop your NaNo IDs in the comments if you’d like me to follow you though!

Good luck, writers and um…. Yup that’s it.