This is the first time I’ve ever entered a year by wondering how many losses it will bring us. I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation my whole life, and not even once have I greeted a brand new year by wondering if I will make it to the end of it. But here we are. And wondering feels like all we do these days, doesn’t it?
As the covid death toll rises, the stories get closer and closer to home. Our tiny church has lost a most beloved member to this plague. I’ve watched friends deal with way too many family deaths in far too short a space of time. And I have to wonder: are some of us dying of broken hearts? I heard of two sisters who died within a week of each other. Just two towns over from where we are. If my sister died, I would die of a broken heart. I don’t think I could fight covid while nursing a shattered psyche.
I am scared. I am scared for myself, and I am scared for you. (more…)